A DAY IN THE LIFE WITH DAN: FINAL EXAMINATION PART 2, MEDIA AND ME ASSIGNMENT

First off, it is a fifty-fifty chance that I even wake up in time for class in the morning. That being said let us walkthrough a day where I have actually mustered the strength to pull myself out of bed and walk to class. A Typical day in the life of Daniel Ryan Cooley goes as follows:

Droid knows what you're thinking. Seriously. Don't go to sleep tonight...

Wake up call, Courtesy of my (ROBOT VOICE) DROOOOOIIIID: Even though I have a fully functioning alarm clock, I prefer to use my phone as a means to wake me up. I will try to describe the experience as seen through my half closed eyes in the morning so here it goes: Earth moving vibrations and a shrieking bell screaming at the top of its lungs coax me to open my eyes. For a moment, the onslaught of pandemonium stops, a complete silence falls over the room as my eyes force themselves closed again. Then suddenly, the din rises again until my eyes reopen. Welcome to the first two minutes of consciousness through my eyes. My Smart phone, more specifically, a first generation Motorola Droid wakes me up with my alarm application everyday before school. Err, well, almost everyday, there are in fact some occasions that all this commotion does not rouse me at all, and then I have to write apologetic e-mails to professors claiming a bus hit my dog just as I would so happen to come down with the flu and loose all my homework in rescue attempt entering a burning building full of nuns and newborn infants. But, on the rare occasion that my phone does succeed, my next plan of action is to check the weather through my phone and its weather app, so I can see what to wear for the day.  

MEDIA AND CULTURE: My cellular device takes advantage of MEDIA CONVERGENCE- the process whereby old and new media are available via the integration of personal computer’s and high-speed satellite-based phone or cable links.

SHOWER/WALK AROUND APPARTMENT LIKE A ZOMBIE TIME (GROAING AND LEG DRAGGING INCLUDED)/GET DRESSED

Music Walking to Class: After pulling myself together on such a glorious Vermont morning, I then put in my headphones as I step out the door and swing it closed behind me. The music in my IPod booms in my ears as I walk casually down South Prospect Street on my way to campus. I like to people watch and think as I do this.

A video of one of the more recent songs I've added to my iTunes.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Most of the music on my IPod was found or downloaded through ONLINE PIRACY- the unauthorized file sharing of music and movies through a medium such as the Internet.

ENTER BULDING/STUMBLE UP STEPS

Walk to Class pick up Newspaper on the way: It is at this point in the day that my hunger for knowledge and world events kicks in. I see the many free issues of the editorial, The New York Times, on the rack and I pick up a copy and begin perusing the first page as I step into my class and take my seat.

In my opinion, the NY Times is the one of the most comprehensive and least biased papers available in the US

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Reading the New York Times proves to be rewarding on most days. The any of the articles that are written in this paper use the writing style which is called INTERPRETIVE JOURNALISM- which aims to explain key issues or events and place them in a broader historical or social context.

Experience shared media in Class: Class starts and it is as stimulating to the intellect as it is always.

“Blah, Blah, Blah, Homework, Blah-Blah, test, Blah BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAAH, watch a video because no one came prepared.”

Only if you have a video camera and a bunch of cats you want to yell at. WARNING: VIDEO CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE.

 I slump back in my chair and fold my arms into my chest. I call this my, movie critiquing position. If facial hair is available it would be a good added bonus to stroke it and make inquisitive faces at the screen. This shows you are analyzing what the teacher is trying to show you, but in reality, I'm wondering why the F*$# I am here. The video usually pertains to class work and more than likely a discussion about its content will be struck up after it ends. I collect some details from this viewing and usually approach the discussion with a cynical or snide comment.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: By watching a video in class that was found on Google owned YouTube, we are subjecting ourselves to MASS COMUNICATION- the process of designing cultural messages and stories and delivering them to large and diverse audiences through media channels as old as the printed book and as new as the Internet.

CLASS ENDS/MORE IPOD/WALK BACK TO THE PENTHOUSE…. THAT’S WHAT I CALL MY APARTMENT; DON’T JUDGE ME AS THE BIBLE SAYS NOT TO.

ERROR 404 NOT FOUND?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Check E-mail between Classes: I open my computer and shout at the top of my lungs “WHY!?!?!?! WHAT THE F**$#!!!!! COME ON!!!!!” as I try to read my email on the designated school e-mail system, MY-mail. Usually I have to reload the page a few times and Outlook repeatedly asks me to enter passwords and user names along with my original birth weight, my favorite color, and my hopes and dreams. After some fussing I get it to work and I finally view the five emails that have been sent to me today.  Three of them are important but the other two are surveys about parking and how the cafeteria is doing. DELETE.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: While checking my e-mail to remain productive I try to steer clear of all internet temptations such as YouTube, and SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES-websites that enable users to create personal profiles, upload photos, create lists of favorite things, and post messages to connect with old friends and meet more new ones.

STUMBLE AROUND THE INTERWEBS/DON’T GO ON FACEBOOK BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE ONE, IT’S THE DEVIL’S WORK.

Watch TV: I have an hour or so left before I have to leave again for class so rather than accomplish something with my time and life; I turn on the 40” television in my room. EXPLOSION! CRASH! “WHERE’S THE GIRL?!?!” a character shouts “ I SAID WHERE THE F@#* IS THE GIRL?!!!!!” I melt my brain for a few minutes with mindless violence then switch to the channel that is Comedy Central. Old Mitch Hedberg stand up, sweeeeeet, inhale heated plant matter, giggle for a while, and make hot-pockets.



Cut down in his prime, I could only imagine how much brighter the world would be today if Mitch Hedberg was still alive.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Being that I am a very busy person, I do like to take advantage of the technology now associated with watching TV. I am of course speaking about the power of DVRs- or digital video recorders which enable users to download specific shows onto the DVR’s computer memory.

RETURN TO THE ROOM/STEAMING HOT POCKETS IN HAND, A COMMERCIAL KICKS ON.

No, I think I'll pass on this one...

Advertising on TV: The soft glow of the TV beckons me to it as I hear a voice chime in and take over the screen “Do you wake up in the morning?” it asks, “Do you say hello to people when you first see them?” Why yes, I do both of those things. “Well, than you could be eligible for Cialis; the only drug that will make you feel like a man on any occasion!” oh god, more penis pills. Someone shoot me now, is this what our world has come to? The ad ends and I breathe a heavy sigh of relief only to hear the rhythmic whistling of a man named Bob. Bob drives a racecar and plays golf quite well, why is this you ask? Well, the answer is simple; it’s because of new fast acting solution to erectile dysfunction, ENZITE!!! BUY A PACK TODAY RECEIVE THREE MONTHS OF PILLS FOR FREE! “Yeah…. “ I exclaim sarcastically “I’ll get right on that.”.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Watching television means that you will be subjected to the same commercials over and over again whether you like it or not. Most of these commercials take advantage of the persuasive technique THE BANDWAGON EFFECT- that points out in exaggerated claims that everyone is using a particular product.

WALK TO CLASS AGAIN/LEARN SOME STUFF/STRESS OUT ABOUT WHAT HAS TO BE DONE/ MORE MUSIC AND WALKING AFTER IT ENDS

One of my favorite movies of all time.

Get Home, Watch Movie with Kayla: At this point in the day I am finally done with class and it is now time for me to spend the some time with my girlfriend before she has to leave for work.  We put on a movie of my choice, and watch half of it before she gets up to get ready and leave. I finish the rest of the movie as she leaves the room and says goodbye. 

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Before the world went to hell and people actually left their house to go see movies, people had access to the most luxurious of conditions when going out on the town. Theatres were nothing like they are now, there were once referred to as MOVIE PALACES- full time single-screen movie theatres that provided a more hospitable movie going environment.

SHE LEAVES, FEELING UNACCOMPLISHED AND OF LOW INTELLEGENCE I DECIDE TO PICK UP ONE OF THE FEW BOOKS I BROUGHT TO COLLEGE

Certainly a captivating read to say the least.

Read My Book: I sit in my comfy chair, book in hand. It is a hard cover edition of Stephen Hawking’s book, a brief History of Time and The Universe In A Nutshell. I read for an hour or so, until Kayla gets back, then I dog-ear a page and put my book on my comfy chair. As I read I ponder the meaning of the universe and what it means to be human, mortality, divinity and religion all come into question while reading Hawking’s work. I find myself at a cross roads between what I have always believed to be true and what I now believe to be truth or fact. I ask myself, what is my place in the universe? And if there is some grand omniscient being, what is his plan for little old me?

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Although I am present in an age full of technology and wonderful inventions I cannot find the gumption to go out and purchase an e-reader. For some reason I like the feel of a good, old fashioned book. E-readers use files or digital books accessed on a website that can be shared effortlessly between devices or on the computer. These files are called E-BOOKS.

PUT BOOK DOWN/COOK DINNER/INTERACT SOCIALLY WITH ROOMATES

Play Xbox: A sudden noise fills the room, “DROOOOOOID”. My phone spits out a text message at me again. It is one of my best friends from home and he asks me if I want to play Call of Duty Black Ops…. Uhhhhhh, DUHH. I turn on my Xbox and enter a party with my friend; we greet each other and talk about what is going on in our lives as we wait for our other friends to join us. I tell him that Christmas break is nearly here and that I have some great stories for the two weeks that I've been back in Burlington since Thanksgiving. Our other friends’ join in, we begin playing together. Gunshots and explosions from grenades ring out through the apartment as I dive through a virtual doorway. BANG BANG; I’m dead.

This is probably one of the better video game commercials that I've seen out there. If that doesn't get your reptilian brain tap dancin', I don't know what will.

MEDIA AND CULTURE: Hollywood has traditionally used books and theatrical productions as the basis for movie projects. With the rising popularity of digital games, Hollywood has discovered a new source for narrative material. In other words… it’s only a matter of time before you see a HALO or Call of Duty movie.


CREDITS

Images courtesy of the following websites:


Droid Photo- http://www.talkandroid.com/phones/motorola/droid


NY Times Photo- http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/assets/library/new-york-times


YouTube Photo- http://thenextweb.com/socialmedia/files/2010/07/youtube_logo.png


Laptop Photo- http://blog.silktide.com/2009/11/the-pain-free-redesign-of-our-own-website/


Bob Photo- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhID9KyyHchK7eHxkJMKpyp98V18KhHghkemGnLubryXJtqJhi_LJw5cfjIG9_JifvZdYkE9W3kyF4t424WW9K730BVm9G_MsyQipk6kO9ZQb5YeUqWyKKx1crGzkAeotr_IBYG_z1QeWQ0/s400/bob.gif&imgrefurl=http://deathby1000papercuts.blogspot.com/2008/02/enzyte-male-enhancement-feds-convict


Seven Samurai Photo- http://www.rentertainment.com/images/seven_samurai.jpg


Stephen Hawking Photo- http://www.librarything.com/work

Awesome Reasons why you should come to champlain!,

1.) What specific contributions did YOU make to your team's production of your video?

I brought the prop pony and talked about setting up most of the shots with the group and how we would go about shooting them. Also, the dogeball scene was my idea.

2.) What grade do you feel YOU earned for your work and participation in your team's video?

At the least a "B+" as I appear in the video a few times,  and I helped write dialogue and direct scenes. It was also my camera and I did half of the shooting.

3.) What was the hardest aspect of making your video?

Trying to get president Finney to appear in the video. We went to the office and asked his secretary but they never responded to the e-mails i sent them in regards to our project. Ultimately we ended up cutting that scene from our video because we couldn't get a hold of him and our video was already pushing the time limit.

4.) Other than finishing the VIDEO, what was the most rewarding aspect of making your video? 

Seeing everything come together in the end as a hilarious 60 second video that we just threw together in class. It was interesting watching this transform from a rough draft of a script, to a radio ad, to a video. It was actually a very enjoyable project, and i had a lot of fun working on it.

Five Minute Oral Presentation: Performance VW Magazine

This month's issue of PVW

Image courtesy of www.performancevwmag.com

Thesis:

Performance VW is a niche magazine targeted specifically towards Volkswagen and Audi enthusiasts. Colorful layouts called "spreads" are done of owners and their vehicles. This type of article will usually consist of several photos of the person's car and a detailed interview. 

Five Facts:

1.) PVW now has accepted the ways of media convergence and expanded its reach to the iPhone, iTouch, and iPad.

2.) This magazine is owned by Unity Media plc, a publisher of premium-quality magazines in the business-to-business and specialist consumer motoring market.

3.) Performance VW has been at the forefront of modified Volkswagens for over a decade now and has been instrumental in shaping the scene into the most innovative of its kind.

4.)  Currently, PVW has just issued its 169th copy of the magazine.

5.) Since its migration to the digital world, Performance VW has made of it its issues and subscriptions available on its website.

Triune Brain:

Limbic- The magazine is full of vibrant colorful pictures that display the sleek lines of vehicles and give them a slightly aggressive or passive look depending on what the photo shopped effect on the image is. This panders heavily to the limbic brain because seeing the way these cars are portrayed sort of assigns a specific "attitude" or emotional transfer that occurs in each image.

Neo-cortex- Each spread is accompanied by text, more specifically an interview, which PVW does on the owner of the car being shot. This obviously evokes the neo-cortex because the person holding the magazine will most likely read the articles accompanied by the photos.

PVW: BEHIND THE SCENES OF A PHOTO SHOOT

Eight Trends:

Technological Shift- PVW has gone digital and made available every single issue of the magazine ever released available to whoever wants it on their website. Also, every picture taken for the magazine is available in an archive on the website so any picture you would want to look up from a previous issue is still accessible.

Epistemological Shift- This magazine certainly takes advantage of the old adage, "a picture is worth a thousand words" and proves that through dramatic shots, and stunning visuals an image can truly be more powerful than the written word.

Seven Principles:

Ownership- the Unity Media publishing company owns this magazine, which is a large firm that owns and controls multiple magazines targeted towards specific niche automotive groups. The company is based out of England.

Individual Meaning- This magazine is particularly important to me because it represents a personal hobby of mine that I take a lot of joy in. I have been a Volkswagen enthusiast for several years and I own a 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit. I usually attend a few car shows a year and bring my car to shows to compete. My car has placed in competition each time I have shown it, and at the end of last year I was debating being a judge for last September's H2O car show in Ocean City, Maryland.

29 Persuasive Techniques:

Plain Folks- Everyone that the magazine has done an article on has been an enthusiast picked from the Volkswagen scene for their notoriety amongst their peers. In other words, PVW scours car shows and get-togethers for unique and originals cars that they happen upon. This means, if your car is nice enough you could be in the next issue of PVW too.

Group Dynamics- PVW encourages its readers to be part of the Volkswagen "scene" and attend events like car shows, get-togethers, and meet and greets. The encouraged interaction between hobbyists proves that Performance Volkswagen uses the group dynamic persuasive technique.

MEDIA MEDITATION #4: FLIGHT OF THE STUMBLE BEE

Image Courtesy of www.NetworkedBlogs.com

Hello all you fellow stumblers out there, it's been a while since we last talked, but in that time the internet has certainly produced some finds worthy of notation.


PICS OF THE WEEK

Here are a few pictures i found this week on Stumble...

Image courtesy of www.beautifullife.info

Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne
 
  This swanky bottle of hooch is a Henry IV, a bottle of liquor so expensive you could put yourself through college... 13 times. I am in no way kidding, I did the math and trust me... I hate math. This Champagne comes in a crystal bottle dipped in 24K yellow gold and sterling platinum and is emblazoned with 6,500 certified brilliant-cut diamonds, all of which are master-crafted by well-known jeweler, Jose Davalos. After aging for 100 years, with an alcohol content of 41% Henri IV Dudognon Heritage bottle weighs approximately 8 kilograms and it is filled with 100 cl. of the precious liquor. The Henri IV Dudognon Heritage is priced at £1,000,000 per bottle or $1,578,309 and 84 cents for those of you dreadful Americans out there.

Why would anyone need such an expensive drink you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple really... the people who can afford to buy such a product think their  recycling bins deserve to nice things too.

I did some more math, you know, just for fun. And i found out that if you were to walk into a really upscale English Pub and request One "YEE OLDE SHOTE, MY GOOD CHAP!" it would cost you approximately $47,000. That's enough to put a down payment on your house.

Also on the list but not quite as extavagent are a few other liqours of the prestigous. You can take a full look at all the other things you can't afford to have here.

ONTO THE NEXT PICTURE!!!

Image courtesy of www.graphjam.com

There isn't a lot I can say about this picture other than, hells yeah. Have you ever watched MTV Cribs? Little Bow-Wow has a BMW nicer than I could afford if I was a Russian Czar. I mean, how ridiculous is it that there are actually artists claiming that the use of file sharing sites is taking food away from their kids? Get a grip people. When you can afford your own underwater pinball machine that matches your underwater bowling alley, you shouldn't complain about how many of your 3-minute songs I have illegally downloaded onto my iTunes.

Image Courtesy of www.cslacker.com

Although I was born and raised a Roman Catholic i can't help but chuckle when i look at this picture. I know, I know, shame on me,  blaspheme and all that. I am aware of the fact that I'm going to hell. And I Have been ever since I put pudding down that kid's pants in third grade but i figured that according to the Catholic dogma, we were all born with original sin anyways so i guess i wont be lacking in good company below deck. Maybe its not such a bad situation after all. I heard that Jack the Ripper is a hoot at cocktail parties.


VIDEO BREAK DOWN

This past month certainly yeileded some interesting finds in the video category check out these videos i found on the web...



Geez, and i thought i was talented because i could belch the alphabet. Keep on trucking big haus, that was indeed a nasty back-flip. Kind of makes me feel like i could be doing more with my life.... no wait, that feeling is gone, I'm fine now, probably just gas. Which leads me to my next video...





That was all sorts of gross. Girl, you need to re-evaluate your priorities because farting on knock off reality TV shows, while hilarious, ain't no way to live your life. Did that last judge say "You're in"? Wow, standards are seriously low in Canada. Can you imagine if any Kelly Clarkson let one rip in front of Ryan Seacrest? Chances are, Simon would say something along the lines of "WORST. FLATULENCE. EVER." I had a Clay Aiken joke that fit perfectly for that spot earlier, however, i feel it may be a little low-brow. Even for this blog.

FINALE

And finally i end this month's entertainment with a list. I give you: 30 Strange Vans I'd Be Tempted to Get Into.

Thanks Peoples,

In the words of the great David Della Rocco... CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE.

MEDIA MEDITATION #3: JACKASS OF ALL TRADES

 

Johnny Knoxville up to his old shenanigans again, assuming the role of an old man with a prosthetic leg. Image courtesy of Ugo.com

The release of the new Jackass movie has left us all buzzing, but I cannot help but wonder, is this the last we see of the Jackass crew? Although we do enjoy their annual antics of shopping cart debauchery and fecal matter mayhem, some of the Jackass crew did not seem too entirely thrilled with the events that took place in the movie. Which has left me wondering if they will attempt yet another sequel in the future...

Image courtesy of ugo.com

Scenes like the "prison break" seemed a little intense and the apprehension in most of the stars particiapating can be  clearly seen.


Check out this trailer for the movie, and decide if you would enjoy the experience of seeing human feces in 3D!




In a recent interview with collider.com, an interviewer asked co-stars Bam Margera and Jonny Knoxville what they thought of the new film. Here is some of the dialogue that took place:

Johnny, you went through some torturous stuff yourself in this film. What keeps you motivated to continue doing these things?

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I know that I almost bought it on that, but it’s fun. It’s me and my friends, doing something we created together and have been doing for 10 years. The cast and crew have all been together for all that time. You do something and it may be scary, but when you watch the footage afterwards, everyone’s laughing.


BAM MARGERA: The way that I look at it is that, when we film for eight months straight for a new Jackass movie, I know that I’m going to wind up with at least two broken bones. I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but you can’t contemplate how you’re going to fall and what’s going to happen. It’s easier to just get up there and do it.

Who comes up with most of the ideas for the stunts and how do you guys select which ones you’ll do? Do you have meetings about the ideas?

MARGERA: Sometimes it’s a mixture of everybody. If they come up with an idea, they submit it to Paramount, then we have a stack of ideas, and people look at them and figure out what they would like to do. If it’s involving a bull, it’ll be Knoxville because it definitely won’t be me. Most of the ideas are two pages long and really descriptive, and then there will be one that is one sentence that says, “Shit shoe: find a shoe, and then shit in it.”


KNOXVILLE: The cast and crew all come up with ideas. Sometimes they’re just crude pictures drawn on a napkin, and sometimes we’ll get together and pitch ideas. Bam likes to fax hilarious pictures, that’s how he submits most of his ideas, and they’re really funny.


MARGERA: It’s just easier to draw what I want to happen, rather than explain it.


KNOXVILLE: So, the ideas all come to the office and we compile them, and then we send them to Paramount, just to go through all the legal stuff. Paramount leaves us alone, so we vet the ideas and decide what to shoot or not. 
 


 To see more of the interview with the fabled pranksters, click here.

Ultimately, i would say that this movie rang true to everything we know about the old Jackass crew. Its ballsy, disgusting, and at some points, down-right hilarious, but hey... that's what life is all about, a few friends messing around with some really expensive 3D video equipment and A LOT of time on their hands. To see more scenes from the movie, visit the Jackass Website and select clips.




The jackass crew, close friends with the famed band Weezer, featured in a new song relased for the premire of Jackass 3D.

MIDTERM REFLECTIONS: ACADEMIC GRANDSLAM

I learned to identify the multiple techniques that the media industry uses to persuade its audience. Ex: By identifying an image meant to be a symbol in a commercial, I have effectively interpreted what the advertiser/company is trying to sell/tell me.

2.) What is the most important thing you have learned about yourself as a critical reader, a writer, and a thinker in this class so far?

As a Critical Reader: I have learned that I have an extremely short attention span and that I can't read anything as effectively as I used to because the Internet has destroyed/massaged my brain.

As a Writer: I have learned that media is the plural form of medium which is an extremely important fact to remember when one is writing... see what I did there?

As a Thinker: I have learned the power of media convergence in the 21st century. Using powerful tools like the search capabilities of the internet, we will be able to reach a new point in technological and social advancement the likes of which, the world has never seen. However, I think the tools that which we are so familiar with and that we take for granted, are now inhibiting us to advance because we are so concerned with posting status updates about how great Robert Pattinson hair looks in the new twilight movie. I think that maybe we all need to grow up a little and use the technology we have to our advantage, instead of just letting it hinder our potential as a species.

3.) What's one thing you would do differently this first half of the semester if you were to take this class again?

I would definitely memorize some of the power tools a little better. I always forget the 7 principles.

4.) What's one thing you would like me to do differently this first half of the semester if you were to take this class again?

I would like it if you were to go more in-depth and talk about our views on the class and the subjects you are teaching. I like discussion among my pears, especially when it leads to a difference of opinion.

5.) Please comment on the usefulness of the power tools, our course blog, your personal blog, our in-class quizzes, our films, and our book as learning tools.

Course Blog: Good idea, no wait... great idea. I'm really tired of teachers assigning regular homework like papers. Way to mix it up, I really didn’t mind doing HW for this class on the course blog because it was fairly hassle free and didn’t take up too much of my time. Lord knows, I am a busy man.

Personal Blog: Another awesome idea. I like the thought that we are encouraged to bring our own interests to the table and work them into our class work. Posting to the personal blog is actually an enjoyable assignment.

Quizzes: Seem a little intimidating at first, but you get used to them. It’s comforting to know that my grade in a class does not rely solely on quiz and test grades.

Films: I love watching movies in class and I wish we did it more this year. The video choices were very good but I would like to go over some more controversial topics and I think movies/film and video clips are a great way to do this. For example, I have a particular interest in North Korea. I find it fascinating as a country that restricts its media to such an extent. There are a few national geographic specials that are particularly intriguing. We should watch these...

Books: Great Book. It is actually an interesting read. Most textbooks are redundant, this one really isn't. A little pricey though, but then again, all books are.

Camp Champ Radio Spot: TEAM AWESOME STRIKES AGAIN!

SCRIPT

Come to Champlain!

Do you want a spectacular education? And a pony?

Well, you can find out which one of the two you can get by coming to Champlain!

Come to Champlain!

Champlain has a pretty campus and pretty people come here. Come here to be amongst people almost as pretty as you!

Come to Champlain!

Here are just a few successful stories of people who came to Champlain!

“I graduated from Champlain and instantly received a million dollars! You can too!”

Come to Champlain!

“At Champlain I met a celebrity! Celebrities go here!”

Come to Champlain!

Did you know Champlain grads are 13% more likely to survive a nuclear Holocaust?

Come to Champlain if you want to live!

President Warlord Finney demands you come to Champlain! He fights bears and catamounts!

Come to Champlain!

College doesn’t cost that much! Only ten thousand easy payments of $9.99! Sign up today and we’ll throw in a free Snuggie!

Come to Champlain!

Come to Champlain!

Come to Champlain!

Have we mentioned come to Champlain?!

Come to Champlain! Or the pony gets it!